Creativity

A couple of months ago I've bought a laptop.

I think it has been a good purchase.

My dad says that's just not so, because it takes away my creativity.

And I can't blame him for thinking that, because it's true.

I did lost my creativity and I don't know how to get it back ...

Do you know what I mean?

I used to write stories and I made stuff from old subjects.
But now I don't know what to write, and I'm just behind my laptop watching series.

Plus I want to lose weight, but if I just sit behind my laptop and do nothing else, then don't really lose weight.

What can I do?! Please HELP me! 

Ridiculous?

Why do people still think I'm ridiculous?

I mean, give me break. I also deserve a good happy ending of my high school years.  Especially because these four years at this school was crap.
I listen to sad music while I'm eating. 

Oh and I have ruined a friendship with a very nice girl, and I don't know what I've done wrong, that only makes it worse.

That guy I liked for two years. My heart wants him close to her, but my head says no. My head says: 'I don't think that you still feel the same for him. You don't love him anymore.'
And maybe my head is right and I don't love him. He let me hang out for too long and he has killed me.

Dutch

I had me first exam this morning at nine o'clock in the morning until eleven o'clock. But I was ready at half past ten. At eleven o'clock you could take your sheet with questions home with you. I'm home now and I'm bored. That can't actually, because I have to learn Dutch for tomorrow. Friday I have economy exam. This week I have three exams. Next week I have four exams. Two in one day. I think this can be two exhausting weeks. I'm still very nervous.

Again I went to the supermarket, to buy food. I really should stop doing that .... Maybe after my exams. I need to lose weight, that isn't really going to work if you eat a lot of candy. But like I already said ... after my exams I'm going for it! 

Insecure

I'm so nervous that I eat a bowl of chips very quickly. The bowl was empty before I even noticed that I was eating. I am learning for tomorrow, but it's just really difficult because I can't get it in my head. All these difficult words. 
Art appreciation is just really hard. For my practice exams I have failing grades and that really makes me insecure.
And instead of learning right now, I'm writing my blog.

I hope I'm not too nervous tomorrow that I'm going to fail the exam ... 

Faith of destiny?

I'm like a fly that is trying to save himself out of a spider web before the spider arrives to eat him. I'm trying to save myself out of every awkward conversation. I'm trying to save myself from the moment I'm going to lose my friends. I'm trying to prepare myself for it, but I can't. Because I don't know if, when, where and how it's going to happen. And that is iritating. Why isn't my life just written in a book called; 'Future of a girl who doesn't know what is going to happen.'
Is everything that is happening faith of destiny? Is it wrong to always think about the bad side, because if it is going well, then the setback is very less.
Does life means making choices or does everything happen by chance? Because if life was about making choices than I could never escape from that spider web. But if everything in life happened by chance than I need a miracle. 

Decisions

What is wrong with me? One serie has become more important then my life. Why am I watching a serie instead of learning for my exams? This obsession of me had to stop.
After these two weeks I can watch every serie I want. And I could go whenever where ever I want.

Why am I being so foolish not doing something important in my life.

I better start working now. My mom is coming home any minute and she shouldn't find me in my room watching a serie. Then she will be angry, then I'll yell at her. Then we start arguing and my night will be ruined. So my decision is not to let that happen and start working instead.

For one time I might be thinking...

And by the way my mom has been nice to me. She always asks me what I want when she is in the supermarket, like what kind of candy I want. And I was allowed to cut my hair of her money, what I normally had to pay myself. On one condition; that I work hard for my exams. I haven't really done that. So I'm going to make that happen today. I think that is a good plan, because I also promissed my brother to do that. 

My Life Sucks

There are two guys who tell me they want me, but they don't talk to me at all. It's frustrating. And I don't know who I should choose. If it was a contest and they would fight for me, but they don't.
The feeling of losing your friends makes me sad. Maybe I should pay more attention to my friends, but they also didn't asked me how I felt. So that made me why I don't ask them how they feel. I'm a bad friend, but I've been that my whole life.
Maybe I should focus on my exam and not on my love life.

I'm going to practice a drawing exam and a Dutch exam today. 

Tomorrow I have my first exam in my entire life. 

My life sucks...