Ridiculous?

Why do people still think I'm ridiculous?

I mean, give me break. I also deserve a good happy ending of my high school years.  Especially because these four years at this school was crap.
I listen to sad music while I'm eating. 

Oh and I have ruined a friendship with a very nice girl, and I don't know what I've done wrong, that only makes it worse.

That guy I liked for two years. My heart wants him close to her, but my head says no. My head says: 'I don't think that you still feel the same for him. You don't love him anymore.'
And maybe my head is right and I don't love him. He let me hang out for too long and he has killed me.